If you have to think about if you want me in your life, then I’m not gonna be in your life.
hate when I am wearing makeup & still look shitty like what else am I supposed to do? get enough sleep? eat right & exercise? as if
I feel like my heart has been ripped out and just went with him. He still has it. He may not know that, but he does, and it’s latched on to him. I can’t get it back. It fits well on the side of his body when we would lay together, it fits well in his hand when we would drive down the road, it fits well in his eyes when he would look at me, it fits well in his kisses when he knew just the right time I needed them. My heart fit with him. Every little thing we did. It felt right. It felt natural.
This is me walking away from all that’s hurt and neglected me.
- As I lay here at 12: 30 in the morning, I realize there are tears streaming down my face. Tears that have been there for a while but always hide away during the day or around others. I don't understand why I can't stop them, but I understand why they start. Thought after thought about my life, about what I've faced in my life, people in my life, people who have hurt me in my life, people who have left, and the things I am going through now. Life is not a fairy tale, I know this full well, but I can't seem to find the answer to my question as to why certain things have happened to me. What have I done to deserve what I've been put through? I wake up and go to sleep feeling the same every day. I like to think of myself as an open book. I tell people a lot of things. Not to get attention, just because that's all I know about myself, but you know, even open books have hidden secrets in them that may never be found, and as I lay in my bed and cry every night, I realize that no one will ever understand why this happens, or understand the pain in my life I've been through, or realize the different thoughts that go through my head day in and day out, hell I won't ever understand any of it either, and I guess I just have to get over that, like every thing else.
It’s been almost a year since we’ve been together and I still think about you. I still replay moments of us together in my head over and over again. I can’t stop. I fell in love with someone else, but yet I’ve always wanted you in my life. I never wanted you to leave. You did me so wrong and I still don’t want you gone. I can’t handle not talking to you every day or seeing you around. It’s so different. I don’t ever want to fall in love with you again, but I want you close to me. I want to be close to you.
Dont. Just don’t.
I’m hard to love and I love to hard.
timid